January 17, 2014
Hey. Thought I’d
check in and give some updates while Isaac grabs a nap. As he gets more fun and
interactive (and mobile) it gets more and more difficult to steal time to do
paperwork, work, clean, do laundry, and do anything that involves a screen. He
loves screens. His entire generation will be emotionally if not physically
attached to the internet so on the one hand, it seems like a losing battle. On
the other hand, researchers are just beginning to look into the effects of
screen time on infant brain development so we’re trying to keep it in check.
And if this kid doesn’t stop taking 1-2 hours to go to sleep at night, I think
we’ll probably never watch television again. We had a fantastic trip to New
York over Matt’s holiday break and Isaac got to meet his Bubbe (Great Grandma!)
and many other adoring relatives. He was mostly good with travel until the
very end of the trip when he tried to stink out the entire back of the plane,
not realizing that everyone was trapped together in a big tin can with the
fasten seatbelt signs turned on.
Update on me—the
tumors are responding well to the abraxane at least macroscopically (as seen on
an MRI). My body is holding up pretty well other than some minor symptoms like fatigue,
body aches, and falling out fingernails. It’s awesome to have fewer issues with
my digestive system and I even get a run or a swim in now and again. My white
blood cell counts (immune system) were holding up for a while, but they seem to
be dropping again so we’ll be more cautious about going out for the next few
weeks. Just as well, I’m looking pretty bizarre at this point.
So what’s next:
a few more treatments to go on the abraxane, then some recovery weeks to build
back up before surgery. And stop reading here if you’d prefer not to know the
details. Surgery will consist of a double mastectomy as well as the removal of my
right axial lymph nodes. Pathology will analyze the removed tissue to see how much
cancer is left. If the chemo has not completely eradicated the cancer (this is
known as a complete pathological response), my overall prognosis is not super,
statistically speaking, due to the type of breast cancer that I have (“triple
negative”), its aggressiveness, and the number of lymph nodes that have already
been invaded. My oncologist assures me that anecdotally, that’s not
necessarily the ball game, although it would mean more treatment to do whatever
we can to prevent the cancer from metastasizing (recurring as a Stage IV
terminal cancer). Either way, I’ll be getting a bunch of radiation in the
months after surgery. Psychologically, my
fear of recurrence is much more difficult to deal with than losing a part of my
body that I’m pretty pissed off at. I’m actually looking forward to getting that
over with despite…not looking forward to dealing with pain, diminished strength
and range of motion, and being disfigured. Due to the amount of radiation I
will be getting and my distribution of body fat, breast reconstruction options
are not quick or straightforward but eventually (in the next year or two), that
will get sorted out and I will spare you the details. As someone who has never contemplated
cosmetic surgery, that whole issue is fascinating. Logistically, I won’t be able
to lift my kiddo and take care of too much around the house for about a month after
surgery. That is frustrating. I’ve been so grateful that I could take
care of Isaac mostly on my own this fall, but we have family coming into town to help
out and Matt is taking some time off from work. I’m not sure if I’ll feel like reaching
out or hibernating and catching up on whatever it is you can catch up on
without the full use of your arms, but I’ll do my best to get an update out. I
hope things are going well out there in everyone’s lives and I’ll be thinking
about you even if I’m not in touch.
