Woah, it is January.

January 17, 2014

Hey. Thought I’d check in and give some updates while Isaac grabs a nap. As he gets more fun and interactive (and mobile) it gets more and more difficult to steal time to do paperwork, work, clean, do laundry, and do anything that involves a screen. He loves screens. His entire generation will be emotionally if not physically attached to the internet so on the one hand, it seems like a losing battle. On the other hand, researchers are just beginning to look into the effects of screen time on infant brain development so we’re trying to keep it in check. And if this kid doesn’t stop taking 1-2 hours to go to sleep at night, I think we’ll probably never watch television again. We had a fantastic trip to New York over Matt’s holiday break and Isaac got to meet his Bubbe (Great Grandma!) and many other adoring relatives. He was mostly good with travel until the very end of the trip when he tried to stink out the entire back of the plane, not realizing that everyone was trapped together in a big tin can with the fasten seatbelt signs turned on.

 

Update on me—the tumors are responding well to the abraxane at least macroscopically (as seen on an MRI). My body is holding up pretty well other than some minor symptoms like fatigue, body aches, and falling out fingernails. It’s awesome to have fewer issues with my digestive system and I even get a run or a swim in now and again. My white blood cell counts (immune system) were holding up for a while, but they seem to be dropping again so we’ll be more cautious about going out for the next few weeks. Just as well, I’m looking pretty bizarre at this point.

So what’s next: a few more treatments to go on the abraxane, then some recovery weeks to build back up before surgery. And stop reading here if you’d prefer not to know the details. Surgery will consist of a double mastectomy as well as the removal of my right axial lymph nodes. Pathology will analyze the removed tissue to see how much cancer is left. If the chemo has not completely eradicated the cancer (this is known as a complete pathological response), my overall prognosis is not super, statistically speaking, due to the type of breast cancer that I have (“triple negative”), its aggressiveness, and the number of lymph nodes that have already been invaded. My oncologist assures me that anecdotally, that’s not necessarily the ball game, although it would mean more treatment to do whatever we can to prevent the cancer from metastasizing (recurring as a Stage IV terminal cancer). Either way, I’ll be getting a bunch of radiation in the months after surgery.  Psychologically, my fear of recurrence is much more difficult to deal with than losing a part of my body that I’m pretty pissed off at. I’m actually looking forward to getting that over with despite…not looking forward to dealing with pain, diminished strength and range of motion, and being disfigured. Due to the amount of radiation I will be getting and my distribution of body fat, breast reconstruction options are not quick or straightforward but eventually (in the next year or two), that will get sorted out and I will spare you the details. As someone who has never contemplated cosmetic surgery, that whole issue is fascinating. Logistically, I won’t be able to lift my kiddo and take care of too much around the house for about a month after surgery. That is frustrating. I’ve been so grateful that I could take care of Isaac mostly on my own this fall, but we have family coming into town to help out and Matt is taking some time off from work. I’m not sure if I’ll feel like reaching out or hibernating and catching up on whatever it is you can catch up on without the full use of your arms, but I’ll do my best to get an update out. I hope things are going well out there in everyone’s lives and I’ll be thinking about you even if I’m not in touch.